


I will wait.

by i_like_to_touch_butts



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Suicide, it's sortta Freewood too but only talked about
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-01-25 20:19:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1661213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_like_to_touch_butts/pseuds/i_like_to_touch_butts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan wants to have an usually serious talk with Ray. Ray just assumes it’s something to do with their upcoming wedding. He’s wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I will wait

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WayWardWatson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WayWardWatson/gifts).



> I wrote this for my Ryan in our RP group. She like's Freewood even though we have R&R Connection. So, I wrote her a thing. A sad thing. It's probably not very good but I wrote it mostly to make her sad.

"We have to have a talk."

 

Is one of the scariest things your significant other can say to you. When it was the first thing that Ryan said to Ray after coming home one afternoon, Ray froze as a lump formed in his throat but being the trusting person he was he nodded. It was probably something about their upcoming wedding and not saying stupid things to him while the priest talked. Ryan’s face was unreadable as he guided Ray to set down on their sofa. Everything in the apartment was quiet, if you listened closely you could here the ticking of the clock. They sat in complete silence for what felt like an hour until Ryan spoke.

"Ray, I love you." Ray smiled.

 

"I love you too but why did we have to have a big serious moment for you to tell me?" Ray said and a pained look came over Ryan’s face.

 

"That’s…not all I had to say." He started and Ray was confused but nodded in understanding. "I’ve been hiding something…someone from you."

 

Ray had seen enough movie and TV scenes just like this and he knew where it was going. A heavy feeling of dread settled into his chest and his heart beat began to feel like a burden. He couldn’t focus on Ryan’s face or voice as he continued to talk.

 

"I’m so-I meant to tell you as soon as it started but I just couldn’t. I never intended for this to happen, at first it was just playful flirting…until it wasn’t."

He stopped talking and looked at Ray who was staring down at his hands folded together shaking in his lap. It wasn’t just Ray’s hands that were shaking his whole body was. Small tear drops splashed onto his t-shit as he tried to contain sobs.

 

"If he had it his way I would have told you a long-" Ray looked up with a sharp intake of air sounding like a watery gasp.

 

"H-he?" Was the small broken question that left his lips. At first Ryan couldn’t bring himself to look at Ray. Setting there beside of him, the one he had loved more then anyone looking so broken. All because of him. Ryan opened his mouth but then closed it giving a small,short nod. Things went quiet again. After composing himself as best as he could at the moment Ray found a voice less broken then the one he had used previously.

 

"I thought that you loved me….we were going to get married?" He said voice cracking at the end his statement sounding like a question.

 

"I was stupid enough to believe that if I married you that I would be less likely to want to see him." Ryan sighed knowing just how awful he sounded. He really wished deep down that it would have worked out.

 

"He. You keep saying he, who is it? It’s someone I know isn’t it?" Ray cringed almost regretting asking. Some part of him knows the answer, the same part has known all along.

 

"Gavin." Is simply what Ryan says. Nothing more needs to be said about it. Ray’s whole world feels like it’s crashing down around him. How could Ryan do this do him? How could Gavin do this to him? He was supposed to be his best friend. Despite Ray’s best efforts he just cries harder. Ryan wants so badly to be able to make him stop. To reach out and pull him close and tell him that it would be okay. Ryan wanted everything to be okay. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t do it because he knows that it will not be okay. It was his fault, all his fault. Ray stands and turns away from Ryan.

 

"I’ll get all my things and be out of the apartment tomorrow before you wake up. You won’t have to worry about me holding you back anymore." This get’s Ryan’s attention and he stands as well. He actually does reach out and put his hand on Ray’s shoulder this time.

 

"But this was your apartment." Ryan says and Ray sighs deeply.

 

"No, this was /our/ apartment." He says and shrugs of Ryan’s hand. Ryan lets it drop to his side and watches Ray disappear into their shared bedroom.

He just stands there for a few minutes looking at the door and through the thin walls he can hear small broken sobs. He sits back down on the sofa and puts his head in his hands.

 

"I fucked up." He feels like he could cry himself but he doesn’t. He doesn’t feel like he deserves too. He sits there thinking about what he has done and the more he does the worse he feels. About an hour after Ray disappears into their bedroom Ryan hears Ray’s cell phone ringing. He hears Ray clear his throat and sniff a few times before he answers.

 

"Hey mom." A short pause before a small laugh void of emotion. "No I’m fine. I promise. Yes things are alright but I’m going to have to cancel the visit we had planned." Another pause. "No, some things just came up. No, Ryan is not sick again." Another longer pause. "Yeah, that sounds good. We’ll talk more later, I’m just tired. Love you mom. Bye." Then things are quiet once more, no more sounds coming from their bedroom. Ryan lays back on the couch and without turning off the lights or changing or anything just drifts off into an uneasy sleep.

 

The next morning when he wakes up the door to their bedroom is cracked open ever so slightly. He gets up and slowly makes his way over to it and pushes it open. All the things belonging to Ray the previously occupied the top of their dresser is gone. He pulls open the top drawer to find it empty and the same with the next few. He moves over to the side of the bed Ray slept on and set down. On the bedside table where on a normal morning Ray’s glasses would be setting is a small piece of paper with words written in a familiar scrawl on it. He could tell by looking at it that it had been written quickly and ripped out of the magnetic note pad they kept on their fridge.

The note written on it said: I’ll be here waiting even if you don’t want me me. I will wait here to catch you if ever you fall.


	2. YOLO: You Only Love Once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Freewood did not stop. Sort of implied Joelay in this part. (There may be another part.)

"Do you think horses ever get songs stuck in their heads?" Ray whispers and there was a moment of quiet between Ryan and Ray who were laying in bed spooned together. Ryan laughed his low deep sleepy laugh that Ray felt across the back of his neck. He felt a kiss pressed to the back of his head.

"I think you’ve been watching too much Bob’s Burgers." He says quietly not wanting to break the quiet of the night. Ray whines.

"Noooo, I just can’t sleep." He pouts and Ryan nuzzles his nose into Ray’s hair.

"If you just close your eyes you will be asleep in just a few minutes." He says taking Ray’s hand in his own lacing there fingers together.

"Fine. You’ll still be here right? When I wake up?" Ray asks suddenly, seemingly out of no where.

"Why would you ask something like that?" Ryan asks and Ray shrugs.

"Don’t worry okay? Don’t ever worry about it. I’ll be here in the morning and the next one and the next one. Forever right?" Ryan says squeezing Ray tightly. Ray hums out.

"Good." He says louder into their dark bedroom.

Without warning a sharp shrill beeping breaks Ray out of his dream of the past. He wakes but the beeps continue as he lays awake staring up at the ceiling trying desperately to grasp at the memory.

He turns on his side to the other side of the bed to find it as empty as his head felt. He set up and looked around the unfamiliar room. He sighed bringing his hands to his face. He refused to cry this early in the morning. Though, as much as he told himself this he felt the ever present lump forming in his throat. He threw the duvet off his body and went to shower. At this point he began his mechanical morning routine.

Wake up, try to forget the dreams, shower, push down the memories, attempt to eat, make coffee. Ray didn’t drink coffee or at least until he needed to keep him awake enough during the day to do his job. He slept very little at night, two or maybe three hours if he was lucky. Sure his friends gave him looks but they never asked. They all knew but he didn’t want to hear what they all had to say. Michael and Lindsay had asked what happened for the first few days he stayed with them but gave up eventually. He had got his own apartment after three weeks, he was sick of their questions.

It had been a month. One whole month since things had came to a halt. It just felt like Ray was on autopilot. His body went through the motions but his mind and heart was somewhere else. Holding onto the memories that helped get him through life. He hadn’t spoken to either Gavin or Ryan in that time unless it was job related. Ray had refused to look either of them in the eyes. He didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes.

He entered the office throwing his bag under his desk and setting down. He began his workday routine but as he was typing he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Are you…okay?" Ryan had asked. Ray turned his chair around and blinked. He had heard him he just couldn’t make his brain think.

"I, what?" He asked his voice sounding odd from disuse. Ryan flinched like he had been yelling.

"You haven’t spoken a dozen words in weeks, you’re losing weight…you haven’t been taking care of yourself." Ray shrugs not looking at Ryan. Ryan sighs and pulls his chair over next to Ray’s.

"You won’t even look at me, or Gavin. I couldn’t care less if you looked at or talked to me ever again…I wouldn’t blame you. Gavin, though he’s your best friend." Ray tenses up.

"I can’t." Ray says simply.

"Why?" Ryan asks and with one word everything that Ray had been trying not to feel for a month came back.

"It hurts…Ryan it hurts so much. I thought that it would just go away after, after a day or two. It never went away. It feels like someone peeled my heart like an apple and left it there raw and rotting in my chest. I can’t sleep or eat. People on the street, strangers, look at me and shake their heads. My mother has nearly worried herself to death over me. I have to tell her over and over again ‘I’m fine mom, I promise I’m fine.’ when I know I’m lying." Ray turns to look at Ryan and that was his mistake. As soon as he sees his blue eyes looking at him in concern tears are in his eyes.

"I just can’t do it anymore." Ray said and he stands to leave. He only makes it to the hallway before he leans back against the wall and sinks to the ground. He puts his head against his knees and allows himself to cry. He’s glad that he came in early because most no one was around. He felt a hand on his head ruffle his hair and when he looks up he sees Joel looking concerned.

"You okay kid?" He asks. Ray wipes his eyes and shakes his head. Joel sighs.

"I can see that, you look like shit. Here," He offers his hand. "Come with me and I’ll get some food in you while you tell me about it?" He says making it a question. Ray has no idea why he takes Joel’s hand who pulls him to his feet. Joel smiles his bright white smile.

"There we go. I hate seeing you look like a kicked puppy here all by yourself."Joel says as he starts his walk down the hall and for some reason Ray follows him.


	3. Falling.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray and Joel have became closer but even he isn't enough to save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST THINGS FIRST HUGE FUCKING TRIGGER WARNING ON THIS CHAPTER if you are in anyway triggered by suicide turn away now. There will be another part to this, an alternate ending. The alternate ending will be happy cause I didn't feel right ending it like this. So here is the chapter.

"Are you sure you don't mind meeting up with Michael and Lindsay at the bar with me?" Joel asks Ray who is clinging to his hand. Ray nods gripping Joel's hand a little tighter, Joel squeezes back. Ray was having one of those nights. 

A night where the memory wouldn't go away so he didn't want to be left at Joel's apartment alone. Ray hadn't been living with Joel exactly but ever since their encounter at the office Joel had been Ray's connection to the real world. He had held him down on earth instead of letting Ray fly off into his cloud of self hate and pain. Ray had even started spending nights at Joel's apartment and sleeping in his bed with him. Joel held Ray while it slept but it just wasn't the same. Joel was too small, his hair was too long, and his smell wasn't right. His voice didn't rumble through his chest when he spoke to Ray. His singing wasn't the same when he asked him to sing him back to sleep after a nightmare. Ray had been having awful nightmares lately, all filled by Ray in a blank room with Ryan's voice telling him over and over again that he doesn't love him and that he never did. 

Everyone at the office was talking about them. About Ryan and Ray breaking off their engagement. About Ryan and Gavin and about Joel and Ray. Most people assumes that Ray had moved on but they couldn't be more wrong. 

Ray was brought back to the real world but Joel holding the bar door open for him. He thanked him quietly and walked inside. The bar was one of the nicer ones in town and yet it was still the same people there for the same reasons, trying to get laid, trying to 'have fun', or trying to forget. Joel led Ray to a back booth where Michael and Lindsay where waiting for them. They were holding hands and when Ray glanced down at their hands they broke apart. Ray cringed inwardly, he hated that his friends thought they had to hide their happiness around him. He was happy for the recently married couple, really. 

"Hey Ray. I'm glad you came out." Lindsay said giving him one of her brighter smiles. Ray tried his best to give her a real smile back.

"Yeah I figured it was time to stop moping around." Ray said to the couple as he moved over to the seat next to the window. Joel moved in next to him and smiled lazily. 

"Ray's been doing better." Ray nodded. He was lying and looking at Michael Ray could tell his friend knew he was lying. 

"Good. The fans are started to worry about your sad ass." Michael said smiling despite the worried look he gave him when he thought he wasn't looking. Suddenly there was a crack of thunder and Ray jumped. Joel gave him a concerned look. 

"You okay?" He asked. 

"Yeah, just the sound and um, cold." He gave the last as an excuse for the shaking. Without a second thought Joel's jacket was slipped around his shoulders and he gave them a brief squeeze. Ray almost sighed. In another world he could have loved Joel, in this world he could have loved Joel. 

At the moment however Ray couldn't love anyone anymore, he was damaged goods. Everyone at the table ordered drinks and Ray just requested his water. He was glad this bar was close to Joel's apartment so when Joel was drunk later he could help him home. Ray turned slightly and looked out at the sheeting rain, maybe he would leave early. He wasn't feeling it. 

As everyone's drinks came a hush fell over everyone and Ray looked over wondering what was wrong with his friends. He saw before anyone said what happened. Ryan and Gavin had just walked in together holding hands and smiling at each other. Michael shot Ray a look but Ray didn't notice. As the couple passed by their table Gavin saw Michael and stopped. 

"Hi, Michael." Gavin chirped. "And other friends." He added as an after thought. 

"Hey Gavin." Michael said giving him a half smile and trying to gauge Ray's reaction. Ray however was too busy trying to control his shaking as he looked towards Ryan. Ray caught Ryan's attention and the same look of pity came over his face that usually did when he looked at him these days. 

"Ray." Ryan said in a quiet greeting. Underneath the table Joel's hand gave Ray's knee a brief squeeze. 

"Hey Ryan." Ray said not giving Joel any indication that his gesture of comfort was felt. His voice was so quiet and uneven that he's unsure that Ryan heard him. 

"So do you mind if we have a seat?" Gavin asked completely oblivious to the awkward interacting between his friend and boyfriend. Lindsay looked over to Ray who gave a short nod. 

"Sure, come on in." Lindsay said and they all scooted around to make room for their new guests. 

"So what's been going on with you guys?" Ryan asked the group as if they didn't talk everyday. 

"Same ol same ol." Joel said shrugging taking a drink of his beer. Ray mirrored his action drinking from his previously untouched water. 

"Well other then us getting married not much." Lindsay said giving Michael a loving look and he rolled his eyes. 

"Yes as if everyone at the company didn't already know." She giggled. 

"What about you guys?" She asked Ryan and Gavin. 

" Ryan can I tell them? Please?" He pleaded giving Ryan puppy eyes. Ryan chuckled. 

"Well, it was going to come out soon anyway. Go on." Ryan said smiling and Gavin nearly squealed. 

"We're getting married!" Gavin announced loudly and excitedly. Ray's previously warm frame ran cold as he felt his heart drop. He wanted to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't having a nightmare. He sat there frozen as everyone else went on. 

"Oh, congratulations." Lindsay said sounding a little shocked herself. 

"How long has this been a thing?" Michael asked. 

"Only since Tuesday." Ryan said making sure they knew that it hadn't been a long time and they just weren't telling. He didn't dare look in Ray's direction. 

"I think we'll get married this summer so it won't be too close to my bois wedding." Gavin said and that's when Ray knew he couldn't set there anymore. 

"Joel, I need to get out." He said quietly tugging on his sleeve. 

"Are you okay kid?" Joel asked giving him a concerned look. Ray didn't notice that Ryan was watching the interaction take place. 

"Yeah, I'm just tired. I think I'm going to go home and take a nap or something." Joel didn't believe Ray for one minute but they let Ray get out of the booth anyway. He walked to the door of the bar and held the handle of it for a minute. With the thought in his head and courage he walked back to their table. 

"Congrats to both of you. I hope you're very happy together." He said looking Ryan straight in the eyes, there was no malice in his words just a genuine look. He then without looking at anyone else left the bar. Once he stood outside in the pouring rain he took a breath to try and calm his panicking system. 

He ran. Ray ran all the way from the bar to Joel's apartment complex. He got inside the elevator, not thinking clearly. He pushed the button to the roof level of the building. The tears in his eyes were blurring his vision as he stepped out onto the roof. He was shaking violently and it had nothing to do with the chilly rainy night. He walked to the edge of the building and looked down. 

The building was twenty stories high, he remembered first meeting Ryan at work. People all lived in those apartments with families and people who loved them. Ray remembered his and Ryan's first date and took a step closer to the edge. Ray had a family, people who loved him but none of them were the one that mattered. Ray remembered the night Ryan proposed to him, Ray was convinced that he was joking until he pulled out the ring. He took another step. He wondered if Ryan would miss him. Another step. He remembered the night that Ryan told him he was leaving and how it wrecked his world. One more step and the tips of his toes were hanging over the edge.   
Suddenly to interrupt his thoughts his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He looked at it and realized it was Ryan. He answered. 

"Hello?" He said voice loud and almost normal. 

"Ray? Are you alright? I mean you just left the bar and- are you outside?" 

"Yeah I'm fine Ryan. Things will go on." 

"Ray what does that mean?" Ryan asked an almost panic-y tone in his voice. 

"Life will go on so don't dwell too much." Ray paused and the other line was dead quiet. "Ryan, I kept my end of 'I'll love you until the end'." Ray threw his phone to the ground cracking the screen. 

Ray fell. That's an odd way of putting it but it's fitting. Falling was what got him into his current situation and it's what would get him out. 

Ray Narvaez Jr. was buried on the 4th of June on a bright sunny day. A sobbing Lindsay commented on how he would have hated it. Michael squeezed her hand tightly setting stone faced in his fold up chair. Burnie spoke on behalf of the company and how much everyone cared so much for him. It talked about how missed he would be and how things wouldn't be the same without him. The more that he spoke the more the rage bubbled up inside Michael. He was pissed and wanted to know why? Why did this have to happen to his friend? When the service was over Michael and Lindsay got up to pay their final respects to their friend. Michael made notice that at the very back stood Ryan, alone. 

Michael's rage boiled over. He calmly walked up to Ryan who it looked like had been crying the whole time. Then without hesitation Michael punched Ryan right in his face. 

"I really hope you're happy! You do know this is your fault right? You're the reason my best friend is fucking dead? That he was so distraught that he fucking jumped? The reason his goddamn brain matter splattered all over the sidewalk? Fuck you Ryan, he deserved better!" Michael said yelling through the tears in his eyes. After that he left, leaving Ryan with a bloody nose on the ground with those thoughts swirling in his head.


End file.
